Random Thoughts #7.

I’m so selfish.

I’ve spent the last little while focussing on myself a lot. On my future, on my prospects, and on my worries. I forgot that there’s more to life than me and my little bubble. There are more problems happening in the world than my own and the large-scale ones based on politics that I seem to care about but can’t control. That there are people around me suffering, and now that I realize that I can’t help but feel even more stressed. The same terrifying things I’ve seen happen to other people, strangers (in a way), in my days of long-term care volunteering and personal rehabilitation is happening to someone I care about. I feel nauseated by all of it. And I can only begin to imagine what it must feel like to be in that position because as much as there are many similarities, I don’t have kids or grandkids to worry about, and if having people see me in that vulnerable position was hard, I can’t even comprehend how it must feel to have the people that you raised have to “raise” you. I realized this week, or the last couple days, that what I wrote in my applications and such may have been great – inspirational and real – but it may not have been real enough. I neglected and/or forgot about what this process felt like -the process of suffering indirectly. It seems that I just keep on changing, and along with it, my personality and opinions too. But it seems that as much as people say that I seem happier and healthier, I can’t seem to remember if I really am or if this is all just a delusion that has almost run its course. Nonetheless, I can’t let myself worry about that now. There are other more pressing matters to tend to.

 

 

Advertisements

Author: JC

Just a girl with a lot to say looking for someone to listen. This blog began as a way for me to document my personal journey through a brain injury. It then evolved to a place that helped me survive it. As I continue to strive to become the best version of myself that I can be under my new circumstances, this is my place to help clarify my thoughts and share some insight into what it's like to be human. This is real. This is raw. This is life.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s