Ifs.

**WARNING: FEATURES LA LA LAND SPOILERS**

What if?

That phrase that will be the death of me. Today I watched La La Land in theaters and despite it being a good movie like all the reviews say (with issues of the character development and stereotypes aside), it didn’t WOW me as much as it brought me to a very emotional state – reminding me of the everlasting question of “what if?”. 

Although they ended up being happy in their own separate lives, what would have really happened if they actually met the first time they saw each other (like the film previewed), or if after she filmed the movie they were to get back together, etc. etc.

Thinking about these questions brings up the issue of the million intricate possibilities in life. The many decisions that we make and the many things that are brought to use by fate. So many things are based on spending that extra second to get ready or a split-second decision. That doesn’t mean that bad decisions don’t sometimes lead to amazing outcomes – they are decisions. I often imagine myself in these scenarios (maybe I already am in these situations and just don’t realize it) and think “darn it, what would I do?”.  But this is real life, and there are no replays or flashbacks to tell me.

Much like they did, I probably just have to smile and be glad that the other is happy that they are both successful and doing well. However, it still pains me to think about the infinite possibilities that we all have. I highly doubt I will ever be exactly in Mia (Emma Stone)’s shoes, but what if somewhere along the way I let go of someone or something that could have been amazing? I will never know. Something about that just feels wrong to me, but then again, nothing ever really feels 100% right (at least I haven’t experienced it yet).

Personally, many questions of what if came up often after my injury. Questions of What if this didn’t happen? or What if just did this instead – could I have prevented? still often haunt me. What I have started to realize over time – especially after this movie – is that there’s nothing you can really do to make the best decision every single time because even if you did, you may still be missing out on something you didn’t realize could exist. Who knows? Maybe this whole experience was meant to be – for me to go on this path to see things that people could see or to feel emotions that I wouldn’t have otherwise felt.Who knows?

And who cares? Maybe if we stopped thinking about trying to live perfect lives we could see the perfection within our lives already. Don’t get me wrong, I am a very anxious person, but maybe if we learned to realize that nothing is concrete and there are multiple ways to happiness then we will eventually be able to find our happiness – with no ifs required.